This first of many

I don't even know what to write. I created this because at the moment, my thoughts and emotions are moving at this insane pace that the only thing I can think of doing is writing. It's so hard to even begin so I'm just going to keep this first post as short as my mind will let me.

My soul and my body bear hidden weights that are only visible through the feeling that comes along with them. Emotional ghosts show their ugly faces only to disappear into nothingness after leaving me in their wake. I am a product of my emotions. They hold this grip on me that I have been trying to control since as far as I can remember. Therapy never helped. Medication altered my body. My hobbies turned me into an anti-social zombie. And drugs only became a problem after I tried to use them for help. Something that did help me though, but still turned out to be a problem, was having some one by my side. Some one to talk to, some one to lay next to me and just forget about everything. But all of that just turned into this repetitive torture I put myself through trying to make myself feel better but failing. Relationships that drug out for unhealthy lengths of time. Trusting people with my emotions that shouldn't have been trusted at all. Those who read this think you know me, and I'm not going to lie you probably do. But there's more. More than anyone else has seen that needs to be let out. As I write this I get the sick feeling that I might be judged. That others will just see me as being dramatic or whiney. So be it. This won't be the only kind of stuff I write for future reference, but this is me.